Snow White and Rose Red
by Leather Sky
Summary: By request. In the wake of his past relationship with Akihiko, Junpei has desires for Chidori that can't be fulfilled. Unsure of what to do, the only thing he knows for certain is that he could never hurt her. WARNING: NONCON in big BOLD letters. NONCON.
1. Once upon a time

"What are you saying?" Junpei's voice shook.

"I'm saying 'that's it.' It's over." Akihiko paused. "…I'm sorry."

"_Why?_" Junpei demanded. "You were the one who started it, so why are you doing this?"

"Come on, you know why." Akihiko didn't meet his eyes. "He's coming back, and…it wouldn't be right if…"

"If what? He saw that you'd moved on and gotten a life?" Junpei's voice was angry now. "Oh, I'm sorry. I guess you _didn't_ move on."

Akihiko looked up at him. "I guess I didn't."

There was nothing left for Junpei to say. He turned sharply and strode over to the door, slamming it behind him. Akihiko sat down at his desk and drummed his fingers against it, staring out the window but not seeing anything. He wondered if he had done the right thing, if there were some way he could have handled it better. Ultimately though, he decided that what he had done was less cruel in the long run.

Back in his room, Junpei slammed his fists into his bed. He started to bury his face in his pillow but then drew back suddenly. He gritted his teeth and ripped the sheets off the bed, then stripped the pillows and balled everything up under one arm to take to the laundry room.

Until his bed didn't smell like Akihiko anymore, Junpei knew he wouldn't get any sleep.

.

.

.

.

.

"Okay, measure me out 2 cups of stock." Shinjiro didn't look up as he kept stirring.

Akihiko squinted at the array of measuring cups on the counter. "…er…that's eight ounces, right?"

"Spoken like a true dumb jock. Here boy, drink some more protein. Maybe it'll restart your brain."

"Very funny. I'm good at math, just not…_girl_ stuff like measuring."

"Excuse me? All the best chefs are men."

"All I'm saying is, maybe a haircut wouldn't be a bad idea."

"Sounds great. Let's do it on the same day I shave your head."

Junpei watched the two of them bicker. The entire time he was standing there, they never noticed him. After awhile he left them there in their private world.


	2. The sleeping Princess

He didn't want to wake her up so he sat quietly, watching the faint rise and fall of her chest as she slept. If this were a fairy tale all he would have to do was kiss her and everything would be all right. But he had already tried that and this wasn't a fairy tale.

Most of the time she would just draw, filling up the sketchpad he had gotten her. She would never let him see the drawings, though. He thought that was kind of cute, since from what he had seen before, all she drew were abstract shapes and forms. He guessed she was just one of those people who didn't like others to see what she was doing before it was done.

Very rarely, she would speak. He did most of the talking, of course, and he never really knew if she was listening, but sometimes she would look up and ask him about what he had just said. Usually it was about simple things, mundane things that everyone else he knew would have taken for granted. In the rare moments she was curious, he did his best to be her link to the world outside the hospital windows.

Once, he had touched her hand. She had done something to herself again and without thinking, he had taken her bleeding hand in his and demanded to know _why_, telling her she had to stop this. He wanted to think he had gotten through to her a little that day. At least, he hadn't caught her hurting herself again.

A nurse went by on her rounds and he quickly shifted so that he wouldn't be visible from the hallway. He had gotten better at escaping notice lately, even managing to stay overnight once. He preferred staying here with her to spending time in the dorm. Things there had gotten even more tense since they had lost Shinjiro.

Junpei caught his breath. Chidori was stirring. Her eyes fluttered open and she automatically turned her head to the right. When she confirmed he was there, she sat up a little. He watched in silence, unsure of what the right thing to say would be. It was very dark now, she would know without asking that he wasn't supposed to be here.

"Are you sorry that I woke up?" Her voice was almost toneless, as it usually was.

Junpei was taken off-balance by the question. "Why would I be sorry? I'm here to see you."

"Yes…but you don't need me to be awake…" She smiled and finger-combed her hair where sleep had tangled it slightly. "…do you?"

"What do you mean?" Something about this felt very bad.

"She told me…you did that while I was asleep. The other night."

_Oh god._

Chidori went on, still with that same strangely detached smile. "Wasn't it lonely? Why didn't you wake me up?"

"…Chidori…look, I-I'm really…"

Her voice hardened as she spun around to look at him. "She says you'll do something even worse one of these days. She said not to trust you." Junpei reached for her hand but she pulled it away. "It's dirty now."

He found his voice. "Chidori, I _**swear**_. I swear, just being with you is enough. I'll never do that again…ever."

She looked at him searchingly. "How can I believe you?"

"Are you gonna believe her instead?! She tried to kill you!" He spat out the words angrily. A moment later though he worried that he had been too violent, but her expression hadn't changed.

Chidori looked down. "You make me…doubt…" Then she shook her head, closing her eyes for a moment as if to close out the truth. When she looked up, there was a new element in her face. "I'm awake now…so I suppose it's all right." She leaned forward and looked at him expectantly, and Junpei realized she wanted him to kiss her.

He put a hand to her cheek (it was cold) and watched to see if she would flinch away, but she only wrinkled her brow a little, unsure of what to expect. Then he gathered his courage and shut his eyes as he pulled her in to close the distance. He knew without looking that her eyes would stay open. She didn't move, so he moved for both of them, using his hand to tilt her face.

After what he judged had been long enough, he drew back. She looked a little shocked and she put a hand to her lips, touching them. Then she looked up at him again, almost pleadingly. "That should be enough…shouldn't it?"

He realized with a sinking feeling that she hadn't let him kiss her because she was curious, or because she wanted to try it. She had done it because she was afraid of him and what he might do. But that wasn't the worst part. The truth was that he wasn't absolutely sure about himself either. He had already gone much too far the other night, when he had panted from his chair and looked down at her sleeping face, feeling the rush and then the emptiness that followed it. He had to end this and he had to do it now.

Junpei looked at Chidori and took her hands in his. This time there was something in his look that kept her from pulling them away.

"I promise," he said quietly. "It's enough."

This time when he kissed her, she closed her eyes.


	3. The glass coffin

Eleven fifty-eight. Junpei sat on the edge of the fountain and watched the people as they moved all around him, each caught up in his or her own life, rushing to their separate destinations. Eleven fifty-nine. The crosswalk light went green and a mass of people started for the other side. They couldn't know they would only reach it an hour later. Midnight. A silent mass of coffins stood in the street, facing down dead cars. Junpei got up and began to walk.

He touched one of the coffins in his path. Was it a man? A woman? Did they have Apathy Syndrome, or were they normal? What had they been doing when midnight struck? He looked up at the lurid sky of Dark Hour. Across town in the hospital whose automated glass doors were inaccessible to him now, his princess slept surrounded by coffins. Or maybe she was awake and drawing there, the scratch of her pencil echoing in the silence of the wards.

On a night like this he had finally woken up. His life before that was dim to him now, like a dream that had faded as the day lengthened. Akihiko had been the one to wake him then, and he had been the one to wake him later on. Unwillingly, Junpei remembered that patient voice.

"It's easier if you put your hands behind my neck…there…shh, I've got you."

If he had lied, or made promises and then broken them, it would have been so much easier to hate him now. But Akihiko had done none of those things. He had told Junpei everything from the beginning, that he didn't love him, he never could, and he wasn't going to try. Even then, he could have made it easier by approaching the whole thing casually. But Akihiko didn't do things halfway.

Those nights had seemed endless. Junpei would be out of his mind, begging if he could still speak and mutely tugging at Akihiko if he couldn't, and he would always get the same quiet reply.

"Not yet."

And that was why the end was so brutal to him when it came. Akihiko had slowly and thoroughly addicted him to the feeling and then taken everything away. After that Junpei would toss in his sweat-soaked bed and think, perhaps rightly, that even Aragaki-senpai didn't know withdrawal pains like these. When he fell in love with Chidori it colored his love and made him want what he couldn't have. The desire had only gotten sharper the more he loved her.

Junpei watched the black clouds drift across the moon and knew that no matter what, he could never do anything to hurt her. He made his decision then.


	4. The goodnight kiss

It was much too easy. All Junpei had to do was hang back and conserve his energy until Akihiko finally said, "I can't believe I'm this tired." Then he waited a suitable interval and told everyone he was beat, too. As Junpei had known he would, Minato decided to stop for the night. They all headed back to the dorm to go to bed.

Junpei knew that Akihiko always locked his door, so the next part was a little trickier. He hung back in the lobby and asked Akihiko something inconsequential about school. Akihiko was tired and didn't notice anything unusual. Junpei watched Minato ascend the stairs and then waited two more minutes.

"Well, I guess that makes sense. Thanks for explaining, Senpai." Junpei put a hand to his mouth as if he were stifling a yawn.

"Sure…" Akihiko did yawn. Then he turned to go up the stairs. All he was focused on was getting to bed. As he tiredly unlocked his door, he heard the sound of steps coming at him fast. He only just had time to look up and then he felt himself being shoved backwards into his room. The light from the doorway rapidly shrank as the door swung shut behind him. Then there was only blackness, leaving him blind until his eyes had a chance to adjust.

"What…" He found himself fighting, grappling with someone there in the dark. Normally that wouldn't have been a problem, but he was tired and confused. He swung but his opponent ducked and got behind him, taking him momentarily off balance with a kick to the back of his knees.

He reached to brace himself instead of ducking and tumbling, and his palms hit the bed. Then a weight was on him and he felt a hand clamp his jaw and force his head to the side. A voice next to his ear said, "It's only me."

Akihiko was dismayed and angry. "What the hell do you think you're--" Then his words were cut off abruptly. It was a bruising kiss, with teeth behind it, and Akihiko struggled under him. He felt Junpei's hands as they worked roughly to undo his clothes and realized for the first time what this must be. That gave him a kind of new, desperate energy, but it still wasn't enough. His exhausted mind wondered how Junpei could still be so fresh after fighting all night.

"Come on, it's not like we haven't done this before," Junpei panted a little with all the effort Akihiko was giving him.

"Then why are you doing it this way…instead of asking…" Akihiko clung to the hope that he could either reason with him, or stall him and wear him down.

"You would have said no."

"Damned right I would have…" Akihiko fought to keep ahold of his pants but Junpei finally tore them down. He focused next on wriggling from side to side. "What the hell brought this on…anyway?" He refused to panic.

"She… … …She's scared I'll…" Junpei's voice lost it's edge and he gulped, unable to continue. He suddenly seemed like he was going to stop, like he was just a frightened boy who had done something stupid and he was realizing it now.

Akihiko looked back over his shoulder. "Junpei," he started to say, carefully. Then he gasped and his chin hit his chest as his mind froze around the impossible thing that had just happened.

Junpei's voice was softer now, but the edge was back, sharper. "_I can't let that happen._"

The world was moving, or no, it was the bed, it was _them_, and Akihiko stared blankly at the headboard before he came back to himself and the awful reality of what was happening. He gripped Junpei's arm and braced himself against the bed. He couldn't reason anymore, he couldn't force him off, and he was damned if he was going to cry or beg. He stayed quiet and waited for it to be over.

Junpei felt condemned by Akihiko's silence. "_You_ were the one who did this to me."

Akihiko's grip loosened. "If your breaking point is so low…then you're weaker than I thought you were." He wasn't struggling now, and Junpei finally realized that Akihiko must have decided it would be over faster if he gave in. Something about that made Junpei far angrier than Akihiko's words ever could.

He put a hand under Akihiko's chin, jerking it up so he could whisper against his ear. "You know, I hope you're right…I hope he's watching you from Heaven. Right. Now."

That statement succeeded in doing what no amount of physical pain would. Junpei felt Akihiko start to shake under him and he silently clamped his hand over Akihiko's eyes. At least, this way, Junpei couldn't see him break down. He tightened his other hand on Akihiko's shoulder as he felt the wetness build against the inside of his palm.

Finally, Akihiko pulled Junpei's hand away. He sank his teeth into the side of it and the pain was so intense it made Junpei dizzy. He only smiled though, and said, "That's okay. This isn't the worst you've hurt me."

He pulled Akihiko closer and the bedsprings groaned under them. Akihiko let Junpei's hand slip from his mouth as his head fell to the side. He clutched blindly at the sheets and tried to breathe, eyes unfocused. Junpei felt little pity as he looked down at him. "You can drop the act," he breathed. "I know you're used to this. You can't try and tell me Aragaki-senpai was _gentle_."

"Stop…"

Junpei chose his next words very deliberately. "…not yet."

"Look…we didn't," Akihiko managed to gasp. "I never told him how I felt." He dug his fingers into the bed and lowered his chin.

Junpei stopped cold. "Then…"

Akihiko took the chance to grab the headboard and drag himself away. As he turned to slump back against it he said in a tired voice, "You were the only one."

Junpei waited for him to do something now that he was free, but Akihiko had nothing left in him. Finally Junpei reached over and roughly wiped Akihiko's eyes with his thumb. Then he sat back. "I'll leave. You should sleep."

Akihiko shut his eyes. "Do you really think I'll sleep?"

Junpei smiled just faintly, and Akihiko heard him say, "I can put you to sleep with one kiss." A second later he felt Junpei's mouth on his and something hard and cold under his chin. Junpei pulled the trigger and they both reeled from the impact.

For a moment an impossible mingling of chrome and ivory shifted above their heads. Caesar flickered and melted away as Akihiko passed out, his body unable to handle the strain of summoning a persona. Hermes lingered a moment longer and then faded as well.

Junpei slid Akihiko's Evoker back into it's holster and got out of bed. He had been wrong about everything, but he was used to that by now. Gently, he laid Akihiko back into what he hoped was a comfortable sleeping position. Then he left.


	5. Happily ever after

Later that morning Chidori examined his hand with undisguised interest. Her flat voice held a trace of gentleness as she asked, "Does it hurt?"

"…yeah."

She nodded. "Good." Her face became distant again and she let go of his hand as if she had forgotten about it. "If you can feel the pain, it means you know you're alive."

"Is that why you used to hurt yourself? Chidori?"

"…that's what pain is for."

"Then, why did you stop?"

Chidori's eyes shifted to glance at him for just a moment, then went to the window. "Maybe…I found something else that made me feel alive."

When Junpei asked her what she meant, she didn't answer. After awhile the silence and the muted light in the room made his eyes heavy. His forearms were already on the bedrail and he rested his chin on them, telling himself it would only be for a second.

For the rest of the morning, and all that afternoon, Chidori drew him while he slept.


End file.
